209

August 31

209.  Hideous, awful awful number.  How I loathe thee..  for one, I'm feeling a lot better about myself.  My clothes feel better, and today, I think they look better.  My legs are tired, but strong.  I'm running.  I've run over 10 miles this week so far and haven't gotten to this week's long run yet.  What gives??

I shouldn't focus on the number.  I should focus on how I feel.  I tell others this all the time, but I guess it's a case of do as I say, not as I do.  Harumph.  209.  I'll show you...

So, this week has been interesting in the land of interpersonal relationships.  I'm getting along great with my new roommate.  She's really fab, actually.  Unfortunately, our cats aren't getting along.  But, cats are bitches, so there's not much we can do about that.  I had a talk with Sexy Ex last night.. right before I left for a first date with Parkville Baker.  Long story short, after voicing my confusion to Sexy Ex, we decided it would be better to be just friends, not sexy friends, since that was a source of stress on our relationship.  It made me a little sad.  I got choked up while I was telling him what I want (romance, to feel special, affection, yadda yadda), and I felt sad after we talked, and then again when I went to bed last night.  I actually cried a little.  :(  But, I want to keep his friendship and I know he can't give me what I need and want on a deeper level, so this is where we are.

Parkville Baker... we'll call him PB from now on..  well, let me just say this, guys like to lie about their height on dating sites.  I don't know why they do this- it's not like we won't find out if there is an actual face-to-face meeting.  But they do it, and time and again I'm left a little disappointed that our relationship started with a lie.  This is particularly bad when the man in question reports himself to be rather short to begin with.  I'm not tall myself- I'm not quite 5'3", but I tell the truth!  And although in the past I've mostly dated and been attracted to taller guys (6' and over), I'm trying to give the shorties a chance.  But damn, if you say you're 5'5" and you're shorter than I am?  We have a problem.  Overlooking the height issue and the top of PB's head there were some other things that bothered me while getting to know PB.  It took me til this morning to realize the biggest issue- I don't think he has any ambitions or goals.  I realize, we've only had one date, and a handful of emails, but he completely poo-pooed the idea of further education, said he's content to work the job he has now (which at one point, in the very same conversation, he said he hated) until whenever, and has no plans to change his living situation.  "I'm living comfortably where I am now and have no plan to change it for the foreseeable future."  Oh.

I'm a busy girl.  Part of the reason I'm so busy is that I have LOTS of stuff I want to do!  I'm getting another degree, I'm training for races, I'm fixing up my beautiful house.  PB has never been on a plane and hasn't ever been out of the country.  I know that this is the case for a lot of people, and a lot of those people have ambition, but he doesn't seem too bothered about it except when he talks about the places other people have been.  THEN there's a realization that he hasn't done much.

He texted me right after the date.  He was kind of gushing and trying a little too hard.  This afternoon, I got more texts "Hey gorgeous" and "I can't wait to see you again."  Not going out with PB again.  I just can't.  It feels like his expectations are soaring and I'm just rather "meh."  I must remember that if I say I'm on the fence, what it really means is I'm just not feeling it.