So, this blog has turned into a whatever the hell is going on in my life at the moment, rather than being just about exercise and weight loss. But, that makes sense, since I am, after all, more than a number on the scale.. especially since I refuse to weigh myself lately..
Saturday I had my long run half marathon training with Fall Road Running. It was FUN. I ran with my stepdad, which is always fun. He keeps me going. This time, I was kind of dragging him along.. it concerns me slightly, since he's always been a lot faster and he's definitely more muscular and lighter weight than I am. It was 10 miles. Supposedly, we did more than 15-minutes per mile. BUT, I felt like I could probably finish out another 3.1 if I had to. I think I can do this in 3 weeks. Woot.
Yesterday I was supposed to go rescue kittens from NJ. I didn't. The whole rescue thing got weird, and I just was getting a bad feeling about it. I might have been nuts enough to keep all three anyway.. and then I'd have to be taken out in the back and shot. Because of the impending rescue, however, I temporarily got my Crazy Cat Lady membership card. It has since been revoked. However, I spent a good portion of this morning looking at kittens and cats on the internet. I even filled in two different adoption applications. I have not turned them in.
My friend said I really want a man, but am filling my life with cats instead. Dammit, I think she's right. What's weird about that, and the timing, is that I've had three dates with three different guys in the past WEEK. That's a lot for me. I do feel like I'm on a mission now though. I want a boyfriend and am determined to get one. One of my dates seems a little too into me though.. and very hands-on.. so I am put off now. That seems to always happen though- if they like me a lot, I don't want any part..
I've still been having bad thoughts about he who shall not be named. One day I'll get over it.. it's going to take time though. Damn him.
Anyway.. next weekend- 12 miles!! I'm going to be slow as anything at the Baltimore Half, but dammit, I'm going to kick VA Beach Half's ass.
Monday, September 24, 2012
Thursday, September 13, 2012
Pants Pants Pants
About 6 months after I moved to England, I got a job at a department store. A girl in the department next to mine used to use the word "pants" in a different way than we do here. She'd say things like "that film was pants," in much the same way we would say "that movie sucked."
Well, today I'm saying PANTS. But these pants don't suck. These pants are great. They are brick red, and they fit, and they make me feel better about myself. The waist isn't too tight, they accommodate my butt, and they're a snazzy color. I call that a WIN. Yay for pants!!!
I did not run yesterday. I was feeling weird in the afternoon and very very tired. I'm beginning to think I have some kind of deficiency. The tiredness is absolutely ridiculous. So, tonight I'm ignoring the tired. I brought gym clothes to work with me, and intend to change into them at 5pm. Then I'm going to the gym, where I will do run/walk intervals for an hour. After that, I will do homework, and then have an excellent night's sleep.
Here I am, in my new shirt. Sadly, you cannot see the pants.
I am feeling pressure about the upcoming Baltimore Half. I'm worried I will fail. Then I remind myself that I have another month to train and I already did more than 8 miles in a long run. If I can do 8 miles, I can do 13.1. I just need to keep pushing myself and not lose heart.
I love my new pants, but I am hoping they will soon start to be a little loose on me.
Well, today I'm saying PANTS. But these pants don't suck. These pants are great. They are brick red, and they fit, and they make me feel better about myself. The waist isn't too tight, they accommodate my butt, and they're a snazzy color. I call that a WIN. Yay for pants!!!
I did not run yesterday. I was feeling weird in the afternoon and very very tired. I'm beginning to think I have some kind of deficiency. The tiredness is absolutely ridiculous. So, tonight I'm ignoring the tired. I brought gym clothes to work with me, and intend to change into them at 5pm. Then I'm going to the gym, where I will do run/walk intervals for an hour. After that, I will do homework, and then have an excellent night's sleep.
Here I am, in my new shirt. Sadly, you cannot see the pants.
I am feeling pressure about the upcoming Baltimore Half. I'm worried I will fail. Then I remind myself that I have another month to train and I already did more than 8 miles in a long run. If I can do 8 miles, I can do 13.1. I just need to keep pushing myself and not lose heart.
I love my new pants, but I am hoping they will soon start to be a little loose on me.
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
Shake It
I can't shake this cough. The head congestion seems to be back too. I guess that means I can't ever again use being ill as a reason not to exercise. The last few days, I was using the cramping ache in my quads as a reason not to exercise. Well, that's gone now, so I guess I'll have to get back to it. 5 mile run tonight. That's the plan anyway. After I go to Kohl's with my 15% off coupon and get some fat pants.
Yes, I used that word again- fat. It's not a pretty word. In fact, it's offensive to many people. But it's how I feel, and my feelings are valid, dammit, even if the feeling is disappointment or self-loathing. I know I haven't been doing my BEST lately, but I haven't been doing my worst either. And yet, I've gained and I'm not fitting into my clothes and I feel awkward and unattractive. It really seems unfair.
So colorful pants are "in" right now. And they cost about $25 at Kohl's. I'm gonna get me some. And then I'm gonna wear the shit out of them until they're so big on me (and I'm so small in them) that they fall down around my ankles without a belt, and with a belt, they pleat funny in the ass. Hell yeah.
This morning I had wardrobe issues. I ended up in a dress, with my Underarmour shorts underneath. At first, I tried the dress with leggings. The dress is just a tad too long to look ok over full-length leggings, and my capri ones are dirty. Then I stood in front of the mirror and pulled the hem of the dress up to see how it would look if it were more tunic length. Not terrible. And yet, it's an outfit popular with large women for whom non-elastic wasitbands are uncomfortable, and who want to hide as much of themselves as possible. Ugh. Am I THAT girl again??
Alright, so the plan: run my ass off. Literally. I just need to keep to the plan- that seems to be the hard part anymore. Schooling has effed up my schedule and made me tired to the point that I blow off everything else. Not good. So, 5 miles tonight and 10 on the weekend, and 11 next weekend, and by golly, I will lose this weight. Also, I'm going to start drinking protein shakes after workouts. I read something about that yesterday, suggesting that protein shakes after a workout help to lose weight. We shall see.
Yes, I used that word again- fat. It's not a pretty word. In fact, it's offensive to many people. But it's how I feel, and my feelings are valid, dammit, even if the feeling is disappointment or self-loathing. I know I haven't been doing my BEST lately, but I haven't been doing my worst either. And yet, I've gained and I'm not fitting into my clothes and I feel awkward and unattractive. It really seems unfair.
So colorful pants are "in" right now. And they cost about $25 at Kohl's. I'm gonna get me some. And then I'm gonna wear the shit out of them until they're so big on me (and I'm so small in them) that they fall down around my ankles without a belt, and with a belt, they pleat funny in the ass. Hell yeah.
This morning I had wardrobe issues. I ended up in a dress, with my Underarmour shorts underneath. At first, I tried the dress with leggings. The dress is just a tad too long to look ok over full-length leggings, and my capri ones are dirty. Then I stood in front of the mirror and pulled the hem of the dress up to see how it would look if it were more tunic length. Not terrible. And yet, it's an outfit popular with large women for whom non-elastic wasitbands are uncomfortable, and who want to hide as much of themselves as possible. Ugh. Am I THAT girl again??
Alright, so the plan: run my ass off. Literally. I just need to keep to the plan- that seems to be the hard part anymore. Schooling has effed up my schedule and made me tired to the point that I blow off everything else. Not good. So, 5 miles tonight and 10 on the weekend, and 11 next weekend, and by golly, I will lose this weight. Also, I'm going to start drinking protein shakes after workouts. I read something about that yesterday, suggesting that protein shakes after a workout help to lose weight. We shall see.
Sunday, September 9, 2012
Color Run
Billed as the happiest race on the planet, the DC Color Run (5k) was today, in National Harbor, MD. I got up at the ass-crack of dawn, and headed to my friend's house to set out for the race. We had an adventure at Dunkin Donuts with a non English speaker who wanted to give everyone a cinnamon bagel because that's all he knew how to say. Forget getting your coffee the way you want it..
The race started at 9am.. or rather, the first wave set out.. at 9:06. It was 9:36 before our wave set out, and we were in the 4th and quite towards the front of the pack. I tried to run as much as possible without really pushing myself, and lemme tell you- it was hard. I did over 8 miles last week, and this little 3 mile run was really tough. Along the course, there are stations where volunteers throw dyed powder at you. You wear white so the color really shows up and by the end, you're a total mess.
After dancing in clouds of color packets being thrown, about 40 wet wipes, and a clothes change in a public parking garage, we headed back to Baltimore.
I think I got a little sunburnt. My skin is stained- that stuff gets through your pants. My legs were orange and blue, and my torso was covered in blue, green, and purple color dust. It looked like someone had thrown me down the stairs. When I showered, I had to wash my hair three times and the bath water (because my drain doesn't) turned many colors and then a nice shade of muddy brown.
It was lots of fun though. And I got to hang out with girls I rarely see. I'd do it again, but I'd hope to be more fit so I could run more of it. I don't care if a race isn't timed- I still want to do my best.
My legs are still killing me from the squats I did on Friday- yes, THREE DAYS ago. I'm taking tomorrow off, and will be back to it on Tuesday. I am considering attempting an hour or running before work and an hour after.
The race started at 9am.. or rather, the first wave set out.. at 9:06. It was 9:36 before our wave set out, and we were in the 4th and quite towards the front of the pack. I tried to run as much as possible without really pushing myself, and lemme tell you- it was hard. I did over 8 miles last week, and this little 3 mile run was really tough. Along the course, there are stations where volunteers throw dyed powder at you. You wear white so the color really shows up and by the end, you're a total mess.
After dancing in clouds of color packets being thrown, about 40 wet wipes, and a clothes change in a public parking garage, we headed back to Baltimore.
I think I got a little sunburnt. My skin is stained- that stuff gets through your pants. My legs were orange and blue, and my torso was covered in blue, green, and purple color dust. It looked like someone had thrown me down the stairs. When I showered, I had to wash my hair three times and the bath water (because my drain doesn't) turned many colors and then a nice shade of muddy brown.
It was lots of fun though. And I got to hang out with girls I rarely see. I'd do it again, but I'd hope to be more fit so I could run more of it. I don't care if a race isn't timed- I still want to do my best.
My legs are still killing me from the squats I did on Friday- yes, THREE DAYS ago. I'm taking tomorrow off, and will be back to it on Tuesday. I am considering attempting an hour or running before work and an hour after.
Thursday, September 6, 2012
My thyroid says, "Stop eating broccoli?"
I subscribe to a wonderful blog called "Run, Eat, Repeat." I've been reading it faithfully for a few months now. Today's blog talked about thyroid function. I went to the website sited for a nutritionist that the blogger is conversing with and.. o.m.g. that sounds like me!!
Are you doing everything “right,” but not losing weight, or worse, continuing to gain? Are you:
So, I did a little (Google) research, and found this:
Are you doing everything “right,” but not losing weight, or worse, continuing to gain? Are you:
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Foods to Avoid
Certain
foods, called goitrogenic foods, inhibit the thyroid and should be
avoided, says the HerbCompanion website. These foods include broccoli,
cauliflower, spinach, turnips, cassava root, horseradish, kale, peaches
and pears. Particularly when eaten raw, these foods block the absorption
of iodine and can suppress thyroid function.
Breakfast is the most important meal
I've been made fun of for my morning routine. I used to get up two hours (or more) before I had to leave the house in the morning. It took me a while to get moving, and then I'd want coffee, and breakfast, and to sit and watch the news a bit. I still do that, only I do it a little faster, and am usually about 5 minutes late to work.
Some mornings, my day starts with a workout, and then breakfast and coffee and the news. Often times, on those days I eat breakfast at work. Today my alarm went off at 5:15 and I didn't get up. I snoozed, snoozed again and again, reset my alarm. I'll work out after work.
Today for breakfast, I made what I am calling a "chopped omelet." Bascially, it was like a chopped salad, but with eggs instead of lettuce. My chopped omelet consisted of: celery tops, broccoli crown, 1/4 tomato, 1 small red potato, a little olive oil, and some montreal steak seasoning. Here is the concoction pre-egg:
A Facebook friend just messaged me to basically tell me to be comfortable with my body, and that I'm more than my appearance. I get told that a lot. I suppose I project an image of low self-esteem. That should tell me something, but changing one's self-opinion takes a lot of effort and more than just your friends berating you when they think you're putting yourself down.
I don't hate myself, I just have high expectations for myself. I have always wanted to be better, to improve upon myself. I've never been good enough for me. A lot of people don't understand it, and I can't really explain it. But anything less than perfect isn't good enough. I will cheer my friends on, and even strangers. I will tell them they are wonderful beautiful people. But I am never good enough, and never have been. That's just how it is.
I remember times at the gym when I have cried during a workout. I'd be working as hard as I could, pushing myself, and I think my inner voice was asking "when will I be good enough? when will you love ME?" I couldn't answer. I cried.
The scale jumped FOUR pounds. FOUR. I don't understand. My biceps are massive but I know I didn't gain 4lbs of biceps in the past week. I'm hoping this is an anomaly and my body's way of fighting back losing the weight again.
Some mornings, my day starts with a workout, and then breakfast and coffee and the news. Often times, on those days I eat breakfast at work. Today my alarm went off at 5:15 and I didn't get up. I snoozed, snoozed again and again, reset my alarm. I'll work out after work.
Today for breakfast, I made what I am calling a "chopped omelet." Bascially, it was like a chopped salad, but with eggs instead of lettuce. My chopped omelet consisted of: celery tops, broccoli crown, 1/4 tomato, 1 small red potato, a little olive oil, and some montreal steak seasoning. Here is the concoction pre-egg:
A Facebook friend just messaged me to basically tell me to be comfortable with my body, and that I'm more than my appearance. I get told that a lot. I suppose I project an image of low self-esteem. That should tell me something, but changing one's self-opinion takes a lot of effort and more than just your friends berating you when they think you're putting yourself down.
I don't hate myself, I just have high expectations for myself. I have always wanted to be better, to improve upon myself. I've never been good enough for me. A lot of people don't understand it, and I can't really explain it. But anything less than perfect isn't good enough. I will cheer my friends on, and even strangers. I will tell them they are wonderful beautiful people. But I am never good enough, and never have been. That's just how it is.
I remember times at the gym when I have cried during a workout. I'd be working as hard as I could, pushing myself, and I think my inner voice was asking "when will I be good enough? when will you love ME?" I couldn't answer. I cried.
The scale jumped FOUR pounds. FOUR. I don't understand. My biceps are massive but I know I didn't gain 4lbs of biceps in the past week. I'm hoping this is an anomaly and my body's way of fighting back losing the weight again.
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
Fear
I'm afraid to weigh myself. I could probably guess the number that will appear on the scale. The day after I got the 209, I got the 210. That did it- I'm done with you, scale! It's OVER! Scale sits, lonely, forlorn, propped up against the corner shelf in my bathroom. Scale was never a good companion anyway.
What am I afraid of though? The truth? You know, it's true what they say- the truth hurts. Sometimes, anyhow. The truth is, I weigh more than I'd like. The truth is, my pants don't fit. The truth is, I've gotten slower and fatter. The truth hurts. But the fear- that's what holds us back. Have you ever been too scared to try something new? I have. There's a fear of embarassment, of failure, of disappointment. But you know, if you don't try, you never will succeed. The fear will have kept you from moving forward, from bettering yourself, from learning about yourself. Conquer the fear. Do something you never thought you would.
I did that. I conquered the fear. It took some time, and some baby steps. But eventually I went from running on a treadmill to completing a half marathon in front of hundreds of strangers. If you conquer the fear, the truth stings a little less.
I managed a short-ish workout this morning. Leg presses, seated rows, pec flyes, delt flyes, and speed intervals. I was able to run 1 minute intervals at 5.2 (that's about an 11:30 pace), followed by 90 seconds-2 minutes walking, for 20 minutes. It's slow, but it's faster than I've done lately, so I was pleased. I actually would have liked to double the time of that particular session. Tomorrow I have to get my butt to the gym earlier.
What am I afraid of though? The truth? You know, it's true what they say- the truth hurts. Sometimes, anyhow. The truth is, I weigh more than I'd like. The truth is, my pants don't fit. The truth is, I've gotten slower and fatter. The truth hurts. But the fear- that's what holds us back. Have you ever been too scared to try something new? I have. There's a fear of embarassment, of failure, of disappointment. But you know, if you don't try, you never will succeed. The fear will have kept you from moving forward, from bettering yourself, from learning about yourself. Conquer the fear. Do something you never thought you would.
I did that. I conquered the fear. It took some time, and some baby steps. But eventually I went from running on a treadmill to completing a half marathon in front of hundreds of strangers. If you conquer the fear, the truth stings a little less.
I managed a short-ish workout this morning. Leg presses, seated rows, pec flyes, delt flyes, and speed intervals. I was able to run 1 minute intervals at 5.2 (that's about an 11:30 pace), followed by 90 seconds-2 minutes walking, for 20 minutes. It's slow, but it's faster than I've done lately, so I was pleased. I actually would have liked to double the time of that particular session. Tomorrow I have to get my butt to the gym earlier.
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
8.22
I called Sexy Ex on Friday, asking HIM for advice on PB. Yes, that's a little weird. But he's a guy and I thought maybe he could offer some insight. Thing is, he overthinks things more than I do. Sometimes, I think he thinks more like a girl than I do. We talked for over an hour. During that hour, I invited him up for the weekend. I'm not sure what got into me other than after the date with PB, Sexy Ex was looking safe again, and comfortable, and effortless.
He did come up to visit, on Saturday evening. We went to a movie and out to dinner, and then watched Goonies at home. I was nodding out so decided to go to bed and of course as soon as I got up to my room, I was more awake again, so I read my book. Sexy started texting me from the living room. After a few exchanges, he told me not to be surprised if he comes up in the morning for a cuddle. (confused face.) Then I told him he could come up any time he wanted and that I did say he could sleep in my room. About 5 minutes later, he climbed into bed with me. Cuddling ensued.
I'd planned to run 8 miles Sunday morning, but Sexy Ex told me he was driving back home around noon. Apparently, we had ANOTHER miscommunication. I wasn't shocked. That seems to be our M.O. So, instead of running, I opted to cuddle in bed for two hours while watching Sunday Morning. I wonder how many calories cuddling burns? There was kissing. Surely that upped the calorie burn, right? This all goes completely against what I said when I talked to him about being confused about what he wants from me. I didn't care. I am adding to the confusion.
And now for the exercise portion of our program...
I managed an hour-long gym session Sunday evening, with strength training and about 20 minutes on the arc trainer. I felt a million times better afterwards. It still amazes me how so little makes such a big difference. I ran 8.22 miles Monday, at the gym, on the treadmill. It's still humid outside and the weather was really iffy. It took me two hours. I'm incredibly slow. It can only get better though, right? Next weekend, 9 miles. I may even try the trail. Oof.
He did come up to visit, on Saturday evening. We went to a movie and out to dinner, and then watched Goonies at home. I was nodding out so decided to go to bed and of course as soon as I got up to my room, I was more awake again, so I read my book. Sexy started texting me from the living room. After a few exchanges, he told me not to be surprised if he comes up in the morning for a cuddle. (confused face.) Then I told him he could come up any time he wanted and that I did say he could sleep in my room. About 5 minutes later, he climbed into bed with me. Cuddling ensued.
I'd planned to run 8 miles Sunday morning, but Sexy Ex told me he was driving back home around noon. Apparently, we had ANOTHER miscommunication. I wasn't shocked. That seems to be our M.O. So, instead of running, I opted to cuddle in bed for two hours while watching Sunday Morning. I wonder how many calories cuddling burns? There was kissing. Surely that upped the calorie burn, right? This all goes completely against what I said when I talked to him about being confused about what he wants from me. I didn't care. I am adding to the confusion.
And now for the exercise portion of our program...
I managed an hour-long gym session Sunday evening, with strength training and about 20 minutes on the arc trainer. I felt a million times better afterwards. It still amazes me how so little makes such a big difference. I ran 8.22 miles Monday, at the gym, on the treadmill. It's still humid outside and the weather was really iffy. It took me two hours. I'm incredibly slow. It can only get better though, right? Next weekend, 9 miles. I may even try the trail. Oof.
209
August 31
209. Hideous, awful awful number. How I loathe thee.. for one, I'm feeling a lot better about myself. My clothes feel better, and today, I think they look better. My legs are tired, but strong. I'm running. I've run over 10 miles this week so far and haven't gotten to this week's long run yet. What gives??
I shouldn't focus on the number. I should focus on how I feel. I tell others this all the time, but I guess it's a case of do as I say, not as I do. Harumph. 209. I'll show you...
So, this week has been interesting in the land of interpersonal relationships. I'm getting along great with my new roommate. She's really fab, actually. Unfortunately, our cats aren't getting along. But, cats are bitches, so there's not much we can do about that. I had a talk with Sexy Ex last night.. right before I left for a first date with Parkville Baker. Long story short, after voicing my confusion to Sexy Ex, we decided it would be better to be just friends, not sexy friends, since that was a source of stress on our relationship. It made me a little sad. I got choked up while I was telling him what I want (romance, to feel special, affection, yadda yadda), and I felt sad after we talked, and then again when I went to bed last night. I actually cried a little. :( But, I want to keep his friendship and I know he can't give me what I need and want on a deeper level, so this is where we are.
Parkville Baker... we'll call him PB from now on.. well, let me just say this, guys like to lie about their height on dating sites. I don't know why they do this- it's not like we won't find out if there is an actual face-to-face meeting. But they do it, and time and again I'm left a little disappointed that our relationship started with a lie. This is particularly bad when the man in question reports himself to be rather short to begin with. I'm not tall myself- I'm not quite 5'3", but I tell the truth! And although in the past I've mostly dated and been attracted to taller guys (6' and over), I'm trying to give the shorties a chance. But damn, if you say you're 5'5" and you're shorter than I am? We have a problem. Overlooking the height issueand the top of PB's head there were some other things that bothered me while getting to know PB. It took me til this morning to realize the biggest issue- I don't think he has any ambitions or goals. I realize, we've only had one date, and a handful of emails, but he completely poo-pooed the idea of further education, said he's content to work the job he has now (which at one point, in the very same conversation, he said he hated) until whenever, and has no plans to change his living situation. "I'm living comfortably where I am now and have no plan to change it for the foreseeable future." Oh.
I'm a busy girl. Part of the reason I'm so busy is that I have LOTS of stuff I want to do! I'm getting another degree, I'm training for races, I'm fixing up my beautiful house. PB has never been on a plane and hasn't ever been out of the country. I know that this is the case for a lot of people, and a lot of those people have ambition, but he doesn't seem too bothered about it except when he talks about the places other people have been. THEN there's a realization that he hasn't done much.
He texted me right after the date. He was kind of gushing and trying a little too hard. This afternoon, I got more texts "Hey gorgeous" and "I can't wait to see you again." Not going out with PB again. I just can't. It feels like his expectations are soaring and I'm just rather "meh." I must remember that if I say I'm on the fence, what it really means is I'm just not feeling it.
209. Hideous, awful awful number. How I loathe thee.. for one, I'm feeling a lot better about myself. My clothes feel better, and today, I think they look better. My legs are tired, but strong. I'm running. I've run over 10 miles this week so far and haven't gotten to this week's long run yet. What gives??
I shouldn't focus on the number. I should focus on how I feel. I tell others this all the time, but I guess it's a case of do as I say, not as I do. Harumph. 209. I'll show you...
So, this week has been interesting in the land of interpersonal relationships. I'm getting along great with my new roommate. She's really fab, actually. Unfortunately, our cats aren't getting along. But, cats are bitches, so there's not much we can do about that. I had a talk with Sexy Ex last night.. right before I left for a first date with Parkville Baker. Long story short, after voicing my confusion to Sexy Ex, we decided it would be better to be just friends, not sexy friends, since that was a source of stress on our relationship. It made me a little sad. I got choked up while I was telling him what I want (romance, to feel special, affection, yadda yadda), and I felt sad after we talked, and then again when I went to bed last night. I actually cried a little. :( But, I want to keep his friendship and I know he can't give me what I need and want on a deeper level, so this is where we are.
Parkville Baker... we'll call him PB from now on.. well, let me just say this, guys like to lie about their height on dating sites. I don't know why they do this- it's not like we won't find out if there is an actual face-to-face meeting. But they do it, and time and again I'm left a little disappointed that our relationship started with a lie. This is particularly bad when the man in question reports himself to be rather short to begin with. I'm not tall myself- I'm not quite 5'3", but I tell the truth! And although in the past I've mostly dated and been attracted to taller guys (6' and over), I'm trying to give the shorties a chance. But damn, if you say you're 5'5" and you're shorter than I am? We have a problem. Overlooking the height issue
I'm a busy girl. Part of the reason I'm so busy is that I have LOTS of stuff I want to do! I'm getting another degree, I'm training for races, I'm fixing up my beautiful house. PB has never been on a plane and hasn't ever been out of the country. I know that this is the case for a lot of people, and a lot of those people have ambition, but he doesn't seem too bothered about it except when he talks about the places other people have been. THEN there's a realization that he hasn't done much.
He texted me right after the date. He was kind of gushing and trying a little too hard. This afternoon, I got more texts "Hey gorgeous" and "I can't wait to see you again." Not going out with PB again. I just can't. It feels like his expectations are soaring and I'm just rather "meh." I must remember that if I say I'm on the fence, what it really means is I'm just not feeling it.
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