How do they do it?

In reading my favorite blogger's post today, I felt all at once inspired, awed, and sad.  She ran a marathon and felt great at the end of it.  She posted pictures of herself before and after the race, and of course, looked fantastic.  How does she do it? 

Being sick/ having disastrous things happen over the past few months has rather killed my spirit.  Just as I thought I was getting it back, I was knocked down again.  And now I'm just tired.  I feel like I have a ton of things to do, and no motivation or energy to do them.  I mourn my old self, the cute, perky, "skinny" me in the pictures I mentioned in my previous post.  It feels like she's dead. 

I know, logically, that if I get back on the horse and make myself work out as many days a week as I can manage (5-6, ideally), I'll start feeling fantastic.  But I can't seem to want it.  I just want the old me back.  I want my meds to work and I want to fit into my smaller clothes and I want my stomach to be flatter and my arms less flabby and I want to feel good about myself.  But it's going to take work, and it's not something I feel I have the energy for.  So sad.  Nevermind that I'm working full time and school started again (and I started by flunking a quiz and missing a discussion), and I'm really worried about being able to pay my bills.  Overall, it feels like life sucks right now.  I'm not sure how I'm going to make myself get out of this funk.

2013 hasn't been my friend

Well, it's been a struggle the past couple of months.  Around Thanksgiving I got a cat bite, which got infected and required antibiotics.  Then the ex I'd been fooling around with and foolishly falling for again refused to even acknowledge we were together.  In a room FULL of PEOPLE.  Then for New Year, I got the gift of bed bugs.  The itching lasted about two weeks.  Once that started clearing up, I got a cold, which turned into bronchitis and a sinus infection.  I'm currently on the same antibiotics I was on for the cat bite, and while my energy levels have improved, I'm still coughing and blowing. 

Until this past Saturday, the last time I ran was about two weeks prior, at the gym, when I did about 3 miles.  Saturday, I attempted 9.  I managed 8.35, with the last two miles being pretty much all walking.  It was about 20 degrees out and dry, and I couldn't breathe after a while.  Somehow, though, I managed less than a 15 minute mile for most of it. 

So, I'm a little bummed.  I was feeling like I was back on track with exercise and, potentially, weight loss.  But I decided to accept my current state and last week bought new jeans, in a SIZE 16.  UGH.  I'm a little disgusted with myself.  I know I shouldn't be.  But I also vaguely remember what it was like to be "skinny" or at least my version of it.  And I have photographic evidence that it happened, once upon a time.  It saddens me.

I'm grateful to have some energy back.  I'm pissed to still have this cough.  I'm happy to once again be able to wear jeans, like normal people.  And I'm hopeful that one day soon.. let's say fall perhaps?  I may be able to once again fit into my size 12s that I so adored.