So, I've been struggling, as you know. For some reason, accepting myself and being happy with myself is really hard for me. I've gotten very close to being, both physically and mentally, the person I'd like to be. And then somewhere, somehow, I kinda lost it. And I've been mourning that loss. Maybe in the back of my mind, but I have been in mourning.
It's time for me to move on. I started working on figuring this shit out, oh, probably a couple months ago, at least. I hit my rock bottom, where my clothes stopped fitting and I was suddenly in a bigger size, and the doctor's scale read over 230lbs. I decided I needed to move more, to weight train more, to motivate myself to run more. I also decided to go on a new medication, because I have a feeling that the one I was on (Zoloft) was encouraging weight gain, in addition to being of no help anymore. I started Wellbutrin instead and had some really weird side effects. They tapered off a little, so I went back to the gym. And then, last night at the gym, I came to some realizations. So I'm in a new phase now.
I decided, while taking a 30 second or so rest between sets, that I need to stop the Wellbutrin. It doesn't make me feel well. I feel better than when I was on the Zoloft, but I can't tell if it's because I'm ON the Wellbutrin or OFF the Zoloft. I read some forums about it, and apparently you can stop cold turkey, especially on the lower dosages like I am, and not have many (if any) withdrawal symptoms. Hallelujah. So, today is the first day I'm off that shit. I'm still a little dizzy/spinny but I'm hoping to get it out of my system by the weekend.
Decision #2 that I made, and I can't pinpoint exactly when I came to this decision, is that I'm going to get personal training sessions. So, I contacted a facebook friend of mine, that my dad connected me with because he thought we'd have something in common. Turned out, she's one kick-ass woman. Tattooed all over, very lean, muscular, in short: FIERCE. I messaged her asking what her prices were for training. She said two 30-minute sessions per week for $25/each, and gave me the location of the gym she trains out of.
Her gym is about 40 minutes away, and I'm not a member. They do require membership, but are willing to give it for $9/mo. I figure, I'll cancel my current gym membership and when it runs out, join the local location of the gym she trains out of. It's only $12/mo for that. And since I'm no longer going to be taking my anti-depressants, that will help cover some of the cost of training. I'll have to cut back other places too.
After emailing with my new trainer, I'm rather pumped about this idea. The last time I had personal training sessions, it was after I'd lost weight on my own and needed a little change of pace and some help learning strength routines. I was only doing it for 30 minutes, 1 time per week. I'm thinking my new training sessions should be pretty effective.
I'm exhausted right now- not sure if it's because I was up late watching the election, or if it's because of stopping my meds. But, I think instead of going to the gym tonight, I'll go home and nap before tackling some homework. I'll go to the gym tomorrow after work, and on Friday at lunch. And then I'll take off the weekend.
And in other news, I think I'm falling... but more on that later.
